


for you I would ruin myself

by happynotdignified



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Black Family Drama (Harry Potter), F/M, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29339526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happynotdignified/pseuds/happynotdignified
Summary: Andromeda never imagined she would have two fiancés. But here she was preparing for her engagement party whilst the man she actually wanted to marry was halfway across the country.a.k.a. how Andromeda got burnt off the family tree
Relationships: Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy
Kudos: 8





	for you I would ruin myself

**Author's Note:**

> Another of my fics that I am cross-posting from FFN. I originally wrote this in 2012 but have fixed it up a little. 
> 
> title from 'illicit affairs' by Taylor Swift
> 
> Set during the Christmas Holidays 1971 so Sirius was 11, Bellatrix is 20, Andromeda is 19 and Narcissa is 16.

**for you I would ruin myself**

Andromeda Black looked down over the banister into the marble tiled entrance hall of her family's extensive country manor. She was watching the guests arrive. There was her Great Aunt Cassiopeia, her grandparents, Pollux and Irma and her Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion followed by their sons, Regulus and Sirius. The latter was looking moody and tugging at the collar of his dress robes. Andromeda guessed it was because he'd rather be anywhere but here at his older cousin's engagement party. Sirius was in his first year at Hogwarts and would probably have preferred to stay there for Christmas with his friends. Andromeda smiled when she saw him; she was proud of him for having the guts to stand up to their family and get sorted into Gryffindor. She herself had been trying to gather up the courage for years to tell her family that she was in love with a Muggleborn – who they would not approve of in the slightest – but she was running out of time.

Tonight was her engagement party to Lucius Malfoy. She loathed the man and his narrow minded, prejudiced view of the world but she loved her family and couldn't bear to hurt them by telling them that she wouldn't marry Lucius. But she also loved Ted and she was determined to be with him, whatever sacrifices she had to make.

_"Andromeda!"_ hissed her mother from behind her. "What are you doing! You're still in those clothes! I told you to get changed! I didn't spend good money on a new dress for you to not wear it!"

"Coming mother," sighed Andromeda. "I was just seeing who was arriving."

"Yes, yes, you'll see them all once you're dressed properly and downstairs," replied her mother sharply. "You can't afford to mess up. The whole Malfoy and Black families are here and many of our family friends, not to mention the Minister for Magic! Did I tell you Abraxas Malfoy is a personal friend of his? So you can see the seriousness of the situation. Do not embarrass us," Druella said sharply as she ushered Andromeda into her bedroom. "I'll send Narcissa up when it's time for you to come down."

Andromeda internally groaned at the mention of her sister. That was another problem about marrying Lucius Malfoy. He just happened to be in love with her little sister who incidentally returned the feeling.

_This is so fucked up … I hate arranged marriages, I hate engagement parties and I hate Lucius Malfoy._

Andromeda angrily pulled the long red dress off the bed and started getting dressed, being careful not to ruin her hair which Narcissa had styled for her an hour ago.

Her thoughts drifted to Ted again as she slipped on some heels which hurt her toes. The most pressing issue on her mind at the minute was that as soon as she had told Ted about her parents arranging her marriage to Malfoy - two months ago - he'd asked her to marry _him_. She had instantly replied with the answer 'yes' but had added that she had to get herself out of this mess first. Little did she ever think that she would have to deal with having two fiancés at once. The only way out of the mess she had found herself in though was to leave her family. She knew she would be blasted off Walburga's damn tree. That was not an issue. Her sisters on the other hand... 

"Dromeda," came the voice of Bellatrix, Andromeda's older sister who was leaning up against the door frame twisting a bit of her long black hair around her finger.

"Hello Bella," muttered Andromeda frowning at her appearance in the floor length mirror.

"Rodolphus and I just arrived, I thought you might be there to welcome us," Bellatrix said to her.

"Mother won't let me, she wants me to have some big entrance with Malfoy," scowled Andromeda.

"Dromeda, you aren't still calling him Malfoy," Bellatrix snorted. "You're his fiancé, you'll be married in a couple of months. Then it's goodbye Andromeda Black, hello Andromeda _Malfoy."_

Andromeda glared at her; she hated how her name sounded when paired with that of the last man on earth she wanted to marry, "please don't remind me, you know fine rightly I never wanted any of this, I wanted to marry someone because I love them."

Bellatrix rolled her eyes "You've been listening to Cissy's romantic fantasies too much. Families like ours don't work like that as you very well know, we marry to carry on the family line and to have lots of little pureblood babies who we'll raise to hate mudbloods and blood traitors." She said the last bit with a dark glint in her eye.

Andromeda didn't say anything. It wouldn't be long before she was a blood traitor herself.

"At least try to look like you're enjoying yourself," Bellatrix waltzed into the room. "Of course if you'd listened to me, you wouldn't be in this situation. I told you to follow my footsteps and choose a respectable, rich pureblood and tell Father you want to marry them. That way you won't get stuck with someone you hate. You don't actually think I _love_ Rodolphus," Bellatrix laughed at the idea. "I just did what was expected of me and he's bearable, not to mention filthy rich."

"But that's just it, Bella," Andromeda said tightly. "There are no rich, respectable purebloods out there who I would consider marrying."

Bellatrix stopped laughing, "Not funny, Dromeda. You have to marry one of them and Malfoy will do you just fine, he's rolling in money. Mother and Father chose him because you couldn't choose someone yourself so you'll have to accept that and stop complaining."

Andromeda didn't answer her sister, she hated fighting with Bella and she knew it would turn into a fight if she did answer.

"Well, I'll see you downstairs Andromeda, or should I say Mrs Malfoy," Bellatrix said winking over her shoulder before leaving the room.

As she watched her reflection in the mirror, Andromeda came to a firm decision. She was going to leave the family in the end, why not do it now? While everyone was downstairs, she could just sneak down the back stairway that the house elves used and out the kitchen door. No one would notice she was gone until Narcissa came to bring her downstairs.

So with that decision in mind she placed an undetectable extension charm on her clutch bad and put into it the things she was going to take with her.

In went her family photo albums, in went a couple of books, in went the charm bracelet her sisters had given her for her seventeenth birthday, in went a couple of changes of clothes, in went the key to her Gringotts account – thank Merlin she'd opened a separate one from her parents, in went the book of things that her sisters and her had planned to do and in went a few more sentimentally valued items from her childhood and school years. She picked up the silver necklace with a key on it that Ted had given her for Christmas the year before from her dressing table and put it on.

Next Andromeda summoned a quill and sat down at her desk composing three individual letters.

_Dear Bellatrix,  
I know you'll never forgive me for what I've done and for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.   
_ _Love Andromeda, your sister._

She wished she could write more but how could she put into words what she felt about Bellatrix. She had fond memories of their childhood before Hogwarts when they had been so close. Before Bella's mind was warped by the bloody purity their family was obsessed with. Before the bunch of cronies she had fitted in with at school. Before Voldemort. 

Anyway, there was no point wasting ink on a long letter which would most likely get incinerated by her older sister.

_Dear Cissy,  
I hope that one day you'll understand what I've done. I love a man named Ted Tonks; I have done for three years. He's a muggleborn who I know our family would never approve of so I am leaving to be with him. I've kept him a secret all these years because I love you and Bella and mother and father too much to just leave, you're my family. So you ask, why have I left now? The answer is simple. I can't live without Ted. But please know, it was by no means a purely selfish act that I left. I can't marry a man I don't like – let alone love – or a man that my sister loves. So as well as doing this for myself, I did it for you. I want you to be happy. So when you've left school – and not before, you're only sixteen – you can marry Lucius, I know you love him and I hope he loves you too. I don't think much of him but if he makes you happy, then please be happy. I'll miss you.  
Love always, your sister,  
Dromeda  
P.S. You are always welcome to come and visit me as I know I'll never be welcome at home again._

Andromeda re-read her letter to Narcissa, it was the best she could do. Out of her four family members, she knew Narcissa would be the only one to ever consider _accepting_ what she was about to do but she didn't think Cissy would _forgive_ her. Cissy loved pleasing their parents too much and was clearly happy to go along with the draconian ideas of blood purity.

_Dear mother and father,  
By the time you read this I will have run away so that I can be with the man I love. I am not sorry that I did this. I am, however, sorry that I had to run away to be with him, I wish you could be more accepting. I'll miss you all so much but I don't think I had any choice but to do what I did. Again, I'm sorry for tearing the family apart as I know it'll never be the same again.  
Love your daughter,  
Andromeda_

Andromeda sighed and sealed the three letters into envelopes and picked up her now quite heavy clutch bag. She left her room and walked quickly down the hall and into her parents' bedroom. She set the letter addressed to 'Mr and Mrs Cygnus Black' in the centre of their bed and left the room.

Next, she went into Narcissa's pale blue bedroom and left the letter addressed to Miss Narcissa Black on her bed. However, Andromeda didn't leave he sister's bedroom as quickly as she had her parents. She had a lot of memories of this room; she'd spent most of her childhood playing with her sisters here as it was the biggest of their three bedrooms and it was as she'd been sitting on the piano stool by the window that she had received her Hogwarts letter…

Turning, she slipped out of the room quickly. She wasn't going to think of that sort of thing now. She had more important things to do.

"Sluggie," she called quietly and there was a crack in front of her.

"Yes Mistress Andromeda," the house elf bowed lowly "How can Sluggie assist you?"

"Can you please fetch me an owl?" asked Andromeda politely.

"Of course, Mistress," the elf bowed again before apparating away. He returned about a minute later with a tawny owl, which Andromeda recognised very well as her own owl, Hemera.

"Thank you, Sluggie," smiled Andromeda placing the owl on he shoulder and walking back to her room.

"Hemera, you're to take this letter my sister's house, not to her, to her house," Andromeda said to the owl as she attached the letter to its leg. "Then go to Ted's house. Okay? Don't come back here."

The owl seemed to understand so Andromeda let it out the window. _This is it,_ she sighed taking a last glance at her room and heading to the door. However as she yanked it open, she was surprised to see Narcissa standing on the other side of the door with her hand raised as if to knock the door. Andromeda assumed she'd been about to do just that.

"Mother says it's time to come downstairs now," she said rather coldly. Andromeda knew it was because of the circumstances of the party. "Everyone's in the ballroom in the right wing. Lucius is waiting for you outside the ballroom."

"Thanks," Andromeda smiled quickly rethinking her plan, Narcissa turned to go downstairs. "Cissy wait … please forgive me for what I'm about to do."

"What? Marry Lucius Malfoy, what's that have to do with me?" replied Narcissa coolly but her disinterested tone was betrayed by her eyes.

Andromeda realised they weren't on the same wavelength … well of course they weren't, her sister didn't know she was about to run away.

"Everything," Andromeda replied "I know you love him."

Narcissa whipped round to face her sister; her blue eyes were wide with fear, "Who told you that? Dromeda, who told you? Does anyone else know?"

"No one told me, I just know, you're my sister," Andromeda replied beginning to walk downstairs with Narcissa behind her this time. "I have actually asked father if you could marry him instead of me. I hate the man, but father just said it wasn't proper that you marry before me. You know how it is; we have to marry respectable purebloods in age order."

"You asked father …" Narcissa stared at her sister; they were now in the entrance hall of their sprawling mansion.

Andromeda nodded, "Cissy, I want you to be happy. Ever since you were little, Bella and I have done everything we can to make you happy. You're so special, you deserve to be as happy as possible. I promised you I'd always look after you and I'd always be there for you."

"Why are you getting so sentimental?" wondered Narcissa who had smiled when Andromeda had spoken.

"Because I'm about to break that promise," said Andromeda quietly, her tears where threatening to spill.

"What…" Narcissa looked at her in shock.

"I'm sorry Cissy, so sorry," Andromeda wrapped her arms around her little sister for what she realised would probably be the last time.

"Dromeda, what are you doing?" called Narcissa as Andromeda let go of her and walked out the front door, her tears flowing freely down her face but she was past the point of caring. She didn't look back once at the home she'd lived in for almost twenty years, she knew she couldn't. Her sister was still calling her name from the front steps. But Andromeda kept walking and walking down the long sweeping drive, her vision becoming more and more blurred by tears. Narcissa's voice still echoed through her head.

Finally she reached the edge of the estate and stepped out the front gates. She took a deep breath and Apparated to the front porch of Ted's house.

Quickly she knocked on the door and waited. Only seconds later, Ted opened the door and his face which had been plastered with a grin, now portrayed a mask of shock.

Andromeda suddenly realised how she must look. Her dark brown hair had come undone and was whipping around her face due to the strong wind. Tears were still flowing down her cheeks and she could only guess her face was red and blotchy. Not to mention the fact that she was wearing a dress fit for a formal dance or a ball not a small muggle town.

"Dromeda…" Ted trailed off as he engulfed her in his warm arms. After a small hesitation, he gently picked her up and brought her into the living room. Usually Andromeda would object forcefully about Ted not letting he walk by herself but not today. Besides she didn't think she could trust her legs much longer before they gave way so she just buried her face in Ted's shoulder.

As Ted sat down in an armchair and pulled her ridiculous heels off her feet Andromeda spoke up.

"I-I left … I l-left them, Ted … I'm n-not going back," she sobbed into Ted's chest.

"I'm sorry, love. I wish it didn't have to be like this. But you'll always have me," Ted said calmly but Andromeda could hear a bit of worry in his voice and she knew him well enough to know it was because he'd never once seen her lose it like this. She never cried, she always held it together and she always made sure she looked immaculate so there was no question of why Ted would be worried.

Ted held her close and whispered to her, "if they won't accept what you've done then it's their loss for ignoring such a beautiful, intelligent woman such as yourself."

Andromeda smiled weakly, "I love you Ted," she said looking up at his face, trying to stop her tears.

"I love you too Andromeda," answered Ted softly. They sat in the armchair for a while in silence as Andromeda composed herself.

Finally Andromeda pulled herself up into a sitting position but kept her arms around Ted, "Thank you Ted, you don't know how much you mean to me."

Ted smiled before asking "Dromeda, does this mean the answer to my question from the other night is yes?"

Andromeda beamed up at him "It was always yes, Ted. I just had to get rid of that prat, Malfoy first. Andromeda Tonks has a much better ring to it, don't you think."

Ted's face lit up "You have no idea how much I like – no love – the sound of that."

Andromeda silenced him with a kiss. She couldn't wait to start her life with him, no matter how much she would miss her family, this was her fresh start.

**Author's Note:**

> Andromeda is honestly one of my favourite characters and I wish there was more of her in the books. She is fascinating. I always have thought that she would deeply regret leaving her family but would also feel she had no other choice.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
